And the loser is...

...me.

It's been a week now since I was told they hired someone else.

Otherwise, right now I would be a literary agent. I wouldn't have to worry about visas anymore, I wouldn't have to worry about the rent anymore, I wouldn't have to worry about being able to see my grandparents again, I wouldn't have to worry about keeping this crappy computer I'm using now...

Fuck. That job was for me really. But some assholes in Paris (the company's HQ are in Paris, it's a French agency) didn't want to sponsor a Frenchman for a visa, even though they wanted to NY office to hire a Frenchman. Try to understand... So the NY office hired an American. And I'm fucked. Because this was the best opportunity ever. I'm not going to see anything like that coming again anytime soon. I could pay for the legal fees (so that they didn't have to worry about spending money to hire me) because the company was French. American companies have to pay big legal fees to hire me and they have to pay a lawyer too. I knew the people working there. It was a wonderful working environment. It was a job I'd loved to do. I was really qualified.

I have to turn the page. Forget. It's hard though. I haven't even told my lawyer yet. I haven't emailed back the NY office to tell them that I understand. Show them I can take it deep in the ass and still smile like a bride. I've been waiting all April and May, holding my breath, crossing everything I could think of and physically cross.

So, back to hustling...